lotus_by_semihardjo

 

I’m always happily mystified by the way the Universe works – how it seems to place in my way the idea or the words or the person or experience that I need most at just the right time. My befuddlement is totally understandable, since I cannot begin to comprehend the vastness or omniscience of God, of the Universe… and I am always kind of amused that I am bemused (if that makes any sense at all).

Today, my brother took our niece trick-or-treating, and they went all by themselves. Her excitement was nearly tangible, and the festival atmosphere carried over to the rest of the adults. We revisit our own innocence watching her experience and revel in these rites of passage, and everything slows down, becomes simpler, if only for a moment.

Then when I got home, I read an email from one of my cousins, which brought my focus back to that simplicity and innocence. In the email, children were asked what love meant, and one little boy said, “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” When you love me…my name, my essence in sound, is made safe on your breath… that boy is a pint-sized mystic. Children can take the intangible and bring it into the tangible, the accessible. Spending time with them brings me back to that sense of the simple, the innocent, the pure.

I guess the reason that these two things were so important for me to encounter today, is because I’ve been going through so many changes lately. All of the changes surround things I want in my life, that I have been trying to draw into or create in my life, but they are still changes.

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.

                                                                — Krishnamurti

I am learning to move past that fear, to live in the moment, and allow things to unfold. Notice I didn’t say that learning this was going well, or that it was easy… I am a planner and a what-if-er, and I play those little mind games to try to control outcomes, and to work out all of the conceivable options so that I can create the illusion of safety, and security.

Don’t seek for truth. Just drop your illusions.

                                                                — Zen Saying

I am better at noticing the ways I steal my own joy. When I what-if and scheme and plan everything to death, I keep myself from enjoying the journey. I keep myself in a state of focusing on worry and lack, and rob myself of the unfettered joy that comes in trusting the Universe to bring to me the things I need in the time and space that I need them.

And so, as I ask for these changes in my life, and they start to manifest, I am getting better at stopping that internal monologue, and bringing myself into the moment – into enjoying that sense of the possible and the potential, instead of slipping into anxiety. I am better at looking into each moment, and seeing the “treat” instead of searching for the “trick.”

 I am getting better at living “Just for today, I will not worry.”

Advertisements