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Aaaah. Mercury Retrograde, we meet again. Every machine I use at work has been doing the impossible, the unexplainable, the unfathomable – at the most inconvenient moment possible. My smart phone is acting stupid. My computer is schizophrenic, and my internet access is uber dodgy.
To top it off, it’s like someone took a front-end-loader to my psyche and unearthed a whole bunch of debris and effluvia and garbage and yuck that I thought I’d killed and buried. It’s like zombieland in there – the dead have risen – and it’s, apparently time to burn ‘em down or feed ‘em.
Relationships are going wonky – upended, and flipped inside-side out. I am wrong-footed, and even more tactless than usual. Everything is coming out wrong, and I’ve had to repeat myself so often I’m beginning to wonder if I only think I’m talking, but nothing’s really coming out.
Mercury – the fleet-footed messenger of the gods – goes AWOL a few times a year, leaving all of us asking, “Now, where’d that little b@$tard make off to?” He rules communication – and by extension technology, among other things.
Re-treat • Re-peat • Re-examine • Re-visit • Re-imagine
Re-purpose • Re-vise • Re-assess • Re-connect • Re-lease
Re-think • Re-do • Re-sume • Re-solve
I made a decision earlier this year to stop allowing Mercury Retrograde to throw me for a loop – and to just roll with the energy of it instead. Go with the flow, and do and be and pay attention to what was coming up.
I made a decision to stop saying, “Why is this happening to me right now?” Instead, I look at whatever comes as a little present – it’s here and it’s happening because this must be the perfect time to deal with it – whatever ‘it’ is.
What’s been interesting, and rather unexpected, this go-round is that things are being revisited (as in, “I know we’ve been by here before – I recognize that Laundromat.”) – which I expect – but they’ve also transitioned. Things are shifting and changing in my life in ways I hadn’t anticipated – in big ways. I’m trying to hold an attitude of welcome – because (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…) you can do a thing with grace, or you can be pulled toward it on your face. Because some things just are, and some things have to happen.
I am determined to maintain that attitude. Because I’ve learned this: I may think that what I’m being served is a shit-sandwich, but I always end up being grateful for the meal. So, here’s to cleaning my plate, and hoping that I address it all now, so that I don’t end up dealing with it all over again. And again, and again, and again…..
(Mercury Retrograde strikes again! I accidentally posted this when I meant to preview it! So, I apologize if you subscribe and got it twice!)
Today started off just fine — peachy, even. It kept up that way for most of the day — we were nice and busy at work (which is just how I like it). And then, I got a message telling me that the brakes on my fiance’s car finally went all the way out.
So, after working nine hours, I drove from New Berlin to Wauwatosa in rush hour traffic (an hour), and then got in the car with no brakes (perilous) and drove it from Wauwatosa to the East side of Milwaukee with the hazards flashing, going twenty miles an hour, prayin’, and using the E-brake to stop the blasted thing (actually = another hour, but felt like an eternity).
In between all the driving, I made phone call after phone call, trying to work it all out and coordinate and shuffle cars around. Then, my sister and my niece (who happened to be going down there tonight anyhow) took me with them so that I could borrow her car for my fiance to use for the next two days.
The ice over my impending pity-party was paper-thin, and I could feel my skates sinking through as I trudged along beside my sister and my niece as they ran errands. I was tired, and feeling outright bitchy and despondent — but swallowing it in front of my niece.
And then, we stopped at JoAnn Fabrics, and Abby started trying on all the scary masks she could find, and going on and on about Halloween and how she just loved it, and how ‘skellikans’ (skeletons) are her favorite. How can you sink into a pity-party for one, when there’s an impromptu party waiting around every corner with this kid around?
I laughed, and laughed. There’s nothing to be done about the blasted car tonight any more — I’ve done what I can, and being in a crap mood doesn’t fix anything. Funny how it takes a three year old to make a thirty(something) year old see the simple truth.